I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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