can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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