Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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