is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize