i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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