I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
