he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
