Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize