Im at strip club and am horny
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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