haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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