yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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