I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
