Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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