remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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