So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
