Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
pray to the hookup gods
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
