Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
