Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
