I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
