8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
