Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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(804): View more from Virginia

she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

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(678): View more from Georgia

Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs

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(815): View more from Illinois

Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.

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(904): View more from Florida

We almost ended up sober because of u!!

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(760): View more from California

Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.

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