man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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