You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
