This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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