But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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