i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize