All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
