My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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