There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
