please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
