Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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