can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize