She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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