hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
