Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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