Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
