Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
