i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
