your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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