What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
