ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
