we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
