sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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