In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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