But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
