I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he thought i was a dude.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
