i think my tv is drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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