What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
