shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
