I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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