So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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