a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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