I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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