bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
