I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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