We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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