Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
