you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
