I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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