Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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