If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
