Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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