just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
