so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
