i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
