I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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