you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
