just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
