im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
