So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize