Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
