How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
