singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
