I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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