I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
