I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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