Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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