I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
