I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We don't watch enough power rangers
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
