i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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