She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had to coat check the pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Randomize
