I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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