my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
