My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
