I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
