It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
