gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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