white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
