It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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