if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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