Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
