I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
