She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
