Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
