also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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