never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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