Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
