She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fuck appropriateness.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
