just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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