we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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