Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
