I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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