if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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