hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
