i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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