Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
